It’s time to stop stopping feelings.
Depending on how you grew up, there were certain messages relayed to us.
I could go on, but in some form or fashion we have all been told these statements from ‘lil humans to grown humans. Messages not always meant to invalidate our feelings, but they do. These statements send messages to us that say, “don’t feel what you’re feeling” or “it’s an inconvenience to me to feel that way.”
Something I wanted to talk about today is the importance of feelings. Many people I speak with and clients I have often immediately apologize after telling me how they feel; it’s as if they have assaulted me for being human. It is an interesting phenomenon to try to disregard such a bodily function we cannot control. More importantly, feelings are necessary and purposeful! Feels are like inner antennas. They are the protector and gate keepers for what we let in emotionally, deeply.
Feels good? We like that, let it in!
Feels not good? We don’t like that, keep it away!
Feelings are often, especially in society, categorized as these dramatic things that only add to the situation. But they are a response to life. They are the intricate communication between the outside world and our inner world. Feelings are our inner sensors to gauge whether there is conflict or resolution internally. Sure the emotions might be triggered by external factors (other people), but they amplify what’s going on inside us. Maybe they shed light on an insecurity, remind us of a trauma, maybe they remind us of a fond memory, or joy. Feelings reflect the status of our inner. The kiss of a lover could mend the stress of a bad day, or amplify the warmth we feel towards our significant lover. The comment of “hater” on Instagram could unveil how we too may feel that their comment holds some truth.
So, my friends, if these feelings and emotions are basically how we can keep in check with what's going on inside; why do we feel the need to consistently invalidate them?
DON'T feel scared.
DON'T feel like you’re falling in love.
DON'T feel anxiety.
It isn’t fair and it isn’t healthy. It’s also not worth your time. It’s a bit silly to spend time not feeling what you’re feeling, instead of addressing the feeling and then moving on. Think about it. When you spill a glass of water is it better to A.) look at the water on the floor and tell yourself the water is stupid for being there and ignore it, or B.) get a paper towel and clean up the water?
I fully understand, as someone who has an anxiety disorder, some feelings are in fact false and don’t do any good having any attention. But we still have to acknowledge them. Even the thoughts and emotions that do nothing to help a situation should be addressed.
If I could drive anything home today I would say, feel what you feel. How you act upon your feelings matters and holds yourself accountable. The only person who knows what you’re feeling is you and it would be a shame for you to invalidate the MVP on your team, huh?
You are enough.