What if I told you there is a mysterious figure that is always sabotaging your happiness? I have a feeling I know what you’re going to say, “Oh, here is Lewis going to tell me that it is me who is the mysterious joker self sabotaging myself.”
Close! But not quite. You see, I think it is more complex than this. Actually, I don’t think; I know. I am sure you’ve heard a lot of the EGO and its messy ways. A lot of times I talk to clients about the ego, they nod in blind acknowledgement clearly not understanding the ways their ego affects them. So this week I wanted to paint a picture to help you understand who your inner joker is.
The joker is more than just an inner-critic with motives to keep you afraid when big opportunities come along. In fact, it is much more subtle than this. The best example I can think of is judgment. More specifically, a time when you felt someone was judging you. Someone made a comment towards you about your actions, a poor decision or a decision you thought was wise and they did not, or maybe a judgment about your style/face/body. The usual feeling toward this is having been wronged and personally hurt by that person. How judgmental of them! That hurt! How could they think such a thing of me. And then after the initial event of judgment, you might spend some time later thinking, stewing, and fixating on their comments. You might feel as if their actions have caused you turmoil.
What if I told you this is all the work of your joker, the ego? You see, when we feel such personal hurt from someone’s judgment of us; we are, in a roundabout way, made to combat our shame and insecurity about something we probably have not dealt with or simply acknowledged. When we come to this conflict we can 1. Look within and try to find the place of shame and care for it or 2. We can give all the power to the person who made those comments. Have them be the one who hurt us and attacked our insecurity. Can you guess which option your Joker likes best?
Some clarifications: this is not to let other people, who we assume care about us, judge us and put us in places that do cause us harm. Yet, most of us probably don’t respond to judgments from others with, “That really hurt. You know, I have a lot of shame with the way I assert myself with men and often act impulsive through sex without thinking.”
A tough part of self care is being empathetic so many moving parts. Think of your spirit (self, heart, etc) as the sun and everything else is the planets, moons, and other stars moving, orbiting, shifting, and all having a purpose and effect. All this to say, with all those moving parts that move in ways you cannot control; you can control what things get to take up space in your mind and how you let them make you feel about yourself. To give others the power to make you feel lesser than is letting your joke have the say. Reflecting inward and working to understand why their judgment affected you is claiming back your power. Claim it, baby.
You are enough.